We all make a first impression on people based on what we see and hear. If you are making a first impression on somebody who you have never met, then you make that impression based off of a visual image, a long with personality traits that you believe might be connected to that visual. You base this off of the way the person walks, the way they dress, the way they engage with others and so on. Sometimes this way of gaining an impression can give you a very false reading. I remember before I personally met my girlfriend Alena, I perceived her to be very stuck up, which was thankfully not the case at all. The reason I made this judgment was because of the nonverbal cues she would give off. She dressed very nice, walked tall with no emotion and didn’t look all that friendly to be honest, so in my mind I connected her style and demeanor to personality traits and put her into a category. She still to this day has people tell her things like “I didn’t know what to think of you at first, you seemed kind of mean”.
I walk kind of fast and observe my surroundings; my eyes are sensitive to the sun so I squint a lot which makes me out to have an attitude, I dress pretty normal I would say but most of the time I have a nice watch on, as well as a cross. This puts me into a category, which I think for the most part is wrong. People know I play sports and am an athlete, which is right but they also assume me to be mean and not very talkative. I am usually a nice guy once you get to know me, and when I warm up to you I can be somewhat talkative as well. I don’t like that people think I’m mean, but I can’t blame them because if I didn’t know me I’d think I was mean too. I know I come off rude a lot of the time as well, but this very unintentional. People who know me know that I say rude things just for the sake of humor, not to be offensive at all. I just have a crude sense of humor, but I am a very caring and moral person. When I was in high school I used to pick on kids who I felt weren’t giving an effort on the field, so all the underclassmen hated me for this, but the underclassmen who cared about our team and gave an effort I treated fairly, these kids got to know me and they didn’t hate me like their friends did.
I think most people make judgments on what they see and hear about people, this might be wrong but it is human nature. What makes it right is if you change your opinion of someone after meeting them and you actually give them a chance to prove you and your assumptions wrong (or right depending on the situation).
For the most part it is normal to judge someone on the way they look and carry themselves. I mean, God gave us eyes for a reason…One can be attracted to or dismiss another person by their appearance or mannerisms. As an athlete in AYSO every year you were put on teams with other players you had never met or played against or with, at least when you played U8 through U12. It was hard at first to judge how well they played soccer by their size; it was their strengths on the field that mattered. And this aspect, as you and I know, intensified during games.
ReplyDeleteAs an AYSO coach for eight years I couldn’t help but size up the girls and boys that showed up on the first day of practice. Hopefully I recognized some of them besides my own son or daughter and would immediately start forming my lineup; who would be strikers, sweepers, midfieldmen, etc. Prospects for goalies were never revealed until after three or four practices. They were a special breed of athlete. They directed the defense and defended their goal when their teammates failed to defend their half of the field and didn’t feel bad when they got scored on. Their personalities were resilient and could not be evaluated properly at first meeting.
I think there is something to be said about the physical mannerisms of athletes off the field. If you really love the sport and live it more hours out of your day than other activities these attributes will transfer to everyday life. So you probably dedicated a great deal of time to soccer, maybe other athletic adventures as well, and this demeanor remains with you at all times. You look tough on and off the field. That is natural but is often seen as stuck up and even scary.
I suppose this is why we surround ourselves with those we feel comfortable with and who feel comfortable with us. You and your friends have a special relationship that is based upon more than first appearances. And that is why God gave us ears.
Similar to what PCT4ME said, judging others is within human nature and there is not a single person not guilty of doing so. The type of people that we usually are the quickest to pass judgment to are the ones who either have a style that does not reflect our own or to someone with a demeanor that puts yourself off. However that person may judge you just as quickly, even quicker if that person feels the need to do so despite what you believe about yourself whether it be good or bad.
ReplyDeleteBut the most crucial part of this issue is how you react, a person can judge someone whoever they may want to, but the only thing a person could do against that is control how they react to another person's judgment. Take me for example; I'm a predominantly Black and Japanese mixed male who wears jeans, a t-shirt, and black-laced Converse All-Stars. I walk with a "I'm walkin' here, you gotta problem" type of stride and I speak with a vast vocabularic dialect. Most people would look at me funny for the way I carry myself or just steer clear of me because of my demeanor. However to be honest, their opinions have the value that is equivalent to dirt.
Hey how you doin' man.
ReplyDeleteI relate to a lot of what you said about people hating on your outer shell without really getting to know the real person you are. A quote comes in mind from Obama when he was being interviewed by Bill O'Reilly – Bill asked , “Does it bother you that so many people hate you?”, Obama laughs and says, “The people that dislike you, don't know you.. what they hate is, is whatever fun-house mirror of you that's out there”. This is true, maybe a little cliché, but very true. I guess my golden rule is to first see for yourself what it is like, then judge for yourself. I try to keep that in mind when spontaneous, preconceived thoughts pop up in my mind before going into a particular task, whatever it is; meeting new people, watching movies, listening to new music, whatever. It helps to have an empty mind before jumping into anything you tackle. A few years ago, when I was inexperienced and stupid, I was almost always judging people in my head. This is unhealthy I found out. I did the same exact thing, I would label, “shes stuck up, he's an idiot, or he can't do this very well, etc.”
Great blog, it was very honest, and well articulated. It's true that non-verbal cues lead to discrimination right from the start. But from what I noted before, It's by-passable. With awareness and active involvement, anyone could get rid of stereotyping based on looks, even if stereotyping is sometimes fulfilled with people that play the role, eliminating discrimination can possibly be the first step into having some happiness in this world.
It’s funny, you made me think about how I came to have the friends I do now. I’m not one of those people who embrace new relationships easily, that being said- I didn’t really like any of my friends when I first met them. I met my best friend years ago at work, and prior to even having a conversation with him, I constructed a general idea of his character based on the way he walked, worked, and interacted with other co-workers. I made a decision that I just didn’t like the way he flowed, that is until we were placed in a circumstance where we were forced to work together. As we conversed I discovered that we actually had a lot in common, and eventually we ended up carpooling together, which led to us hanging out together outside of work, which in turn blossomed into the “best friend” relationship that we currently share. I have a similar story with a lot of my friends, and this all leads me to believe that the only reason that I may have had a dislike for them- before even knowing them- was because they reminded me of myself; nobody likes a jocker!
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